Shaky Day…

I just heard about a 43 year old runner who died after crossing the finish line, but cause of death is not yet known. I quote from a post in my runner’s forum:

“…A popular Arizona golf pro collapsed and died Saturday after completing the Walt Disney World Half-Marathon. Willie Kane, 43, of Tucson, Ariz., had just crossed the finish line when he collapsed. Paramedics were stationed in the area and assisted Kane within seconds, said Deputy Chief Bo Jones of the Reedy Creek Fire Department. The paramedics began cardiopulmonary resuscitation and rushed Kane to Florida Hospital Celebration Health, where he was pronounced dead. Because of his age, an autopsy will be performed to determine why he died, said Cpl. Carlos Torres, an Orange County Sheriff’s Office spokesman…”

The runner’s family is no doubt devastated. I have no details about this yet, but I do know this kind of tragedy is uncommon given the number of runners who run to get and stay fit. Nevertheless, as I prepare to go out today on my 10 mile training run (I am training for a half-marathon coming up March 5th), I have to tell you I am personally affected in a negative way. My legs feel as weak and shaky as if I were under immediate threat of imminent death. Yesterday, even before I found out about this runner, my knee joints began snapping and popping and the brief lightning jabs of pain reminded me that I was not invincible. I feel weak and nauseous and out of breath.
Before I go out on my run, I am thinking:
Is this a responsible thing to do? Crushing doubts begin to surface. Am I running too far and too hard? What if I die? Did that runner have some heart defect? If not, did he let his heart rate go too fast? Did he die because he stopped abruptly so the volunteers could rip off his bib number? Am I being stupid? How much is too much? Should I stop exercising, so my risk of sudden death will go down, or will that just make my death more prolonged and painful?
Some of the above thoughts are silly when you think about them, but however briefly they linger in my mind, they have left their mark. I could back off and not run, choosing to keep my heart rate no higher than 130 in brisk walks, or I could continue pushing my limits. I do not know what I will do, but for today I will suck it up and go on my 10 miler in spite of my fear.
As for the runner’s family, I can only extend my condolences to them from my heart.
I will proceed with caution, but I will not stop. Sorry about the depressing post, but what do you expect from such depressing news? When I come back I promise to be more cheerful…