Karate 125 …the last class of the summer

I felt not that good today because of allergies caused by me playing around in the yard. There was a lot of dry grass and weed dust and moldy vegetation I was raking around. I got a sore throat and feel like I have the flu, but I think it is just allergies.

Anyway, in the early part of the class came the warm up as usual then we did some sparring practice which I really, really hate. Really. I suppose if I was not such a klutz I might like it more. But being handicapped by a lack of flexibility, joint problems, and coordination I really have no chance of doing well in this area. When I look at how much better everyone else is at this, I really feel it is all futile.

Intellectually I know it is not futile. I will get better at it and pretty much become stronger because of it – much more so than not doing it at all. But I sure feel pretty bad about it. I also know that because of sparring practice I can hold my own in a real fight with someone who is not as trained as I am. But when I see someone like Juan or pretty much anyone else of his age and rank who is simply too fast for me I get this strange feeling like I am no longer in control. These guys can almost punch me in the face during practice – they deliberately stop short of making contact by a half an inch because they are that skilled at controlling their punches. They are simply too fast for me to do anything about it. If they were to make contact my face would pretty much cave in and it would be all over. So in a sense I am totally at their mercy. In this way I feel pretty powerless, knowing that no matter how hard I ever work at karate, and even if I do it for the rest of my life, it would not make a scrap of difference in terms of defending myself from these guys if they really wanted to hurt me.

In this way I feel a loss of control over my own fate and destiny. It’s just a feeling, an unpleasant one. I would not argue with you if you told me that having any sense of control over my own destiny is nothing but an illusion anyway. I’m just saying that the feeling is there. The fault is mine, the illusion is of my own making. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. It just is.

So I have this feeling that any one of these people could kick my ass without hardly even trying and it’s true, they could. Now I’d like to remove myself from this context and make this statement: As good as they are, there will always be someone better who could kick their asses. While I’m at it, let’s turn the tables and say that I could effortlessly beat up a lot of people too, like my 85 year old mother for example, or even someone more of my size and age but with no training.

So what does this say about my feeling that I am not adequate to continue in this seemingly futile sparring training? I think you might know the answer to this already but in case you don’t let me take a stab at it:

It means I need an attitude adjustment. It means I should forget about stupid comparisons and my own ego and just do the best I can. Since most of us will never be in the elite or even be reasonably successful in competing at anything for innumerable reasons, it follows that only one comparison can be made: You compare your today to your yesterday. How much do you try to get things right and do things well? How is your attitude regarding self improvement? Are you better today than you were yesterday?

It’s about your grit and determination and about your inability to give up no matter what the odds are.

In a nutshell, it’s not about your successes or how much better you do than anyone else, it’s about doing the best you can with what you’ve got. I really hate sparring. But I seem to have an attraction for things I hate. I tend to consciously put myself into uncomfortable situations not only in order to avoid evolving into a frightened little mushroom, but also so I can get another point of view and learn to admire those people who love to do the things I hate. Maybe you might want to try that. It reminds me of an old Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin cracks up his parents by doing an impersonation of his father. Calvin (impersonating his father) says,”Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

So now, there will be a break of several weeks before the winter season begins and our dojo moves back into the school gym from where we held summer classes in the Devon Community Center.